Welcome to the Two-Party Presidential Primary Debate.
I'm your moderator, Katie Couric. By JOHN PODHORETZ
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Surrender is NOT an option
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- You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
- You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
- You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.
- You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
- You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
- You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
- You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
- You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
- You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA activists do.
- You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
- You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.
- You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
- You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
- You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison.
- You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
- You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
- You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
- You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.
Oops, can't do that either.
Dallas Air Traffic Control
Dallas ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 911--You are cleared to land Eastbound on runway 9R."
Saudi Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R
Allah be Praised !!"
Dallas ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711--You are cleared to land Westbound on runway 9R."
Iran Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R.- -Allah is Great !!"
Pause: Static............
Saudi Air: " DALLAS ATC ! DALLAS ATC !!! "
Dallas ATC: "Go ahead, Saudi Air 911?"
Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS !!! WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE !!! INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!!!
Dallas ATC: "Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah 'hey' for us -- ya hear?